It's April 1st, April Fools Day, traditionally the day when the media publish spoof stories. I bought a copy of the Daily Mail and scanned the pages to see if I could find the spoof stories among the genuine ones.
One of these stories is a spoof. But which one?
Is it this one?
Apparently a barrister's ex-wife has successfully won another £215k payout 25 years after they divorced. My first marriage ended almost 30 years ago. Does this verdict open the door to my ex-wife sueing me for money to keep her in the style to which she was accustomed half a lifetime ago? You couldn't make that up, could you?
What about this one?
A huge twisted pile of rusty looking steel will be the lasting monument to the London Olympics. Ironic eh? They allowed the Stratford area of East London to become run down so that it resembled a bomb site, with ruined factories and warehouses everywhere, then clear away all the wreckage and leave in its place a huge pile of twisted steel, designed and funded by foreigners. They are having a laugh at our expense aren't they? This is the April fool story, isn't it?
Ok, is it this one?
Pet shop owner gets caught in a sting mounted by trading standards for selling a goldfish to a 14 year old (a crime that didn't exist 4 years ago) and is fined £1000, is placed under curfew and has to wear a tag. That has to be a spoof doesn't it?
An auctioneer with 20 years experience has been fined £1000 for attempting to sell a 100 year old wooden cabinet complete with 100 year old eggs, most of which were broken. He was arrested, fingerprinted, a DNA swab taken before being bailed.
He turned up in court expecting a wrist slapping, but no he was fined £1000 and had to pay costs.
"A spokesman for the RSPB said: 'We are very happy with the result. The fine imposed by the magistrates shows the importance of these cases.'